10 tips to survive a Zombie Outbreak

Let’s face it, in this day and age of high gas prices, political unrest, poor international relations, bee’s disappearing, horrid econmic rates, and everything else we deal with on a day to day basis, a Zombie Outbreak may not be a bad thing.
However, the goal of such a scenario is to save your own ass so you can live to see another day. You simply don’t want to get caught with your pants down, because that will slow your run when it’s time to kick it into high gear to get the fuck out of there!
So, I present to you 10 tips on how to Survive a Zombie Outbreak (not in any particular order).

1.) Keep informed of what is going on. You will need to know where the outbreak starts. Did it start in your own town? Did it start 3 States away? Did it start in a different Country? This is perhaps one of the most important tips to staying alive. Once you have determined where the outbreak started, you can then determine the best course of action (IE – if it started two blocks away, you need to get the hell away from the area as fast as you can, however, if it stated over-seas somewhere, chances are you have a little more time to prepare).

2.) Upon hearing about the outbreak, immediatly fill up your bathtub and sinks with water. You never know when some zombie will stumble into a power main and lock the city’s systems, or when some government official will think the smart thing to do is to cut the power and water supplies off to prevent the spread of something.

3.) Choose your weapon. Always, ALWAYS have a good melee weapon close by. Going into hand to hand combat with a zombie is never a good idea, but when the situation requires it, having a good weapon is key. You want something with a good handle that won’t slip from your grip, wrap the handle in electrical tape (the tape will help with the grip, and in a pinch you can unwind the tape and use it for other things). Also choose a good fire-arm. You want something that will cause damage. Forget the slim bullets made for passing through bodies, they are no good, you can’t use em. Unless you are an ace marksmen, forget about long range hunting rifles. All they will do is create loud noises and alert other zombies in the area as to exactly where you are. Unless you score a head-shot right off, you are just wasting ammo and time and they zombie advances on you. Instead choose a good hand-gun and load it up with hollow-points. They are made to blow open holes in your target. The less there is of the zombie, the slower it will move. The slower it moves, the faster you can get away. Remember, not every zombie has to be shot, sometimes just taking out their legs can give you the extra 3 minutes it takes to get away.

4.) Know your battleground. Take time to get to know your surroundings. Someone caught in an open field with an army of zombies coming at them won’t last as long as someone on top of a building with the doors bared shut. However, that same person in an open field may not have an army of zombies to face simply based on population. That person in the building might have thousands or tens of thousands of zombies trying to get at them. You simply won’t have the ammunition to fend them off. Know where your best chances of fighting off the dead will be. On the otherhand, picking a place like Home Depot or Lowes, might be a good place to hole-up. They have bricks, cement mixes, lots of sharp pointy objects.

5.) Don’t Freak Out. Remain calm. When the Zombie Outbreak happens, chill out. Gather your thoughts and work out a plan. Determine what you have to do. Are you going to remain where you are and fight or are you going to take a trek 2,000 miles away to try to save family that lives out of state? Going into panic mode will impact your judgement and prevents you from being aware of your surroundings. That can only lead to being zombie food.

6) Choose the correct clothing. We all know that once a zombie takes a chomp out of someone they spring back as a zombie as well. What can you do to prevent those slobering teeth from taking a bite out of your ass? Well, keep your firearm loaded first thing, but secondary, wear appropriate clothing! A flimsy shirt won’t stop a mosquito from sucking your blood, it’s sure as hell not going to stop a zombies cuspids from gnawing through. A nice thick leather jacket can help deflect those chompers, motorcycle helmets can be good to protect those every precious brains. I understand that depending on the time of year it can get hot, but I’d rather sweat my balls off than have them eaten off (unless it was Heidi Klum coming at me, then I might just accept my fate as being a zombie, cause damn, she’s gonna be hot even if she turned into a zombie!).

7.) Don’t forget the can-opener. Yeah, this is a super simply one. Grab a can-opener. It’s a small object, won’t take up much room, but it can save your life when you run across a can of beans. Think back to those Tom and Jerry cartoons, the one where the Tom is stuck on an island and has all the cans of food, but Jerry has the only can-opener. Both are hungry as hell, but are too stuborn to help each other out. Yeah. A can-opener can save you from having a 1 pound canned-paper-weight and instead having a nice bbq-bean dinner.

8.) Don’t be afraid to kill. I’m not talking about shooting the zombies. If you can’t manage that, you might as well strip off your clothes and waltz right out there for them to feast. No, I’m talking about killing whoever is with you. Let’s face it, you should be in high survival mode at this point. If you are travelling in a group of people and someone get’s bit by a zombie, there is no fucking cure! Shoot them in the head and move on. I understand it can be a hard thing do if your 4 year old daughter gets bit, but the bottom line is, she won’t think twice about sinking those baby teeth into your leg when she turns. There where are you at? Zombieville.

9.) Have a plan with those you love. When the Zombie Outbreak happens, you should already have this planned out. You do drills every few months in case of a fire in your home right? (if you don’t you should!). Well, this should also be something you do. Contact your loved ones and make a plan for when the outbreak happens. Are you all going to meet at a central location? Are you going to have a silent understanding that you love each other and won’t see each other ever again? Being with family can be a great asset, but it can also become a hinderance when it boils down to the base need of survival.

10.) Wait it out. This may very well be the smartest tip given. Depending on the location of the Zombie Outbreak, it may be the very thing that saves your ass. Governments have lots of weapons. They have lots of bombs. It may not be smart to stay holed up in your apartment on the 3rd floor if zombies are all around your complext and the government is about to drop some bombs locally.. However, if you are several thousand miles away from Ground Zero, it might be best to avoid the panic from outside and just keep your bathtub full of water and remain put. If the Zombie Outbreak is small and can be contained, waiting it out would be your best bet.

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15 Responses to “10 tips to survive a Zombie Outbreak”

  1. sam says:

    hey can u giv me a tip throug email cuz a breakout started like 2 houses down in tx i need 2 get out of here im 8 and im trapped in a car pleez help!!!

  2. ZombieMall says:

    so I understand.. you are 8 years old and are trapped in a car with a zombie breakout 2 houses down from you?

    Okay, don’t panic. You are in a car, be sure to lock the doors first thing.
    Next thing is, you evidently have a laptop or a cell-phone with you otherwise you would not have been able to make it to my website. If you have a cellphone use it to call your parents. If they have already been eaten, use it to call for help.
    If you have a laptop use it to call for help.

  3. sam says:

    hey ive found a crowbar im out of ammo

  4. Muhammad Zaim says:

    Hello, Im Muhammad Zaim. im 15 and i live in Malaysia

    Malaysia is not easy to acquire a gun. Can you tell me how to survive Zombie outbreak in my country ?

  5. Sirena says:

    ok…I’m fifteen years old, I don’t have much strength, or flexibility.I’m alone in my house,ttheres only one door that locks, but thin and weak, we have knifes sure, but like I said not much strength in me sadly. Watching tv when the news interrupts my program, to tell me that the zombie break out is in sf and rapidly spreading to where i am, i try to call the family but no one answers because they are at sf. we have one machette, but kinda dull no idea how to sharpen. My parents have the doors thats locked. soon I hear moans outside, not much of zombies like 3 or 4. should i stay at home? or search for survivors from my neighbors?…

  6. ZombieMall says:

    Age and strength don’t matter. Well, they do, but in order to survive a zombie outbreak, what really matters is if you have brains (no pun intended). What are your skills? Are you a video gamer? Do you read books? Do you skateboard? What are some of your skills?

    First thing’s first, try to verify if the moans you are hearing are actually from zombies and not from.. some “frisky” neighbors just having some loud “adult fun”.

    Should it be zombies then the best advice I can give you would be to stay put (for now). If you have a 2nd story to your house, go up there. Baracade the stairs so it will slow down any zombie (or looter) from getting up there.

    If you do not have a 2nd story, then yes, I strongly consider trying to make your way to a safer area. First call a friend. See if any undead activity is taking place in their area.

    Cell phones should work well into a zombie outbreak. For the most part cell phone towers are very sturdy and really the only way they can go down is if someone deliberatly tears them down. Zombies won’t care, to them it’s just metal and not flesh.

  7. Sirena says:

    Awesome.I’m not a gamer, sadly:(. But i do read,a lot. Skills…hmmm in some situations I don’t panick. like this one time (has nothing to do with the topic,but still) Me and my brother where chomping down on some panda express,that soon i was joking with the beef.I could feel that the beef was skinny and long in my throat. This also happened to my mom a couple days ago, she just made her eyes wide, clutch her throat,and tumble down to her knees…once she notice that nobody had a clue what to do, she made her self throw up,and cried because she thought she was gana die… Now what I did is that i hurried to the trash and reached in my throat and pulled out the chewy beef strip.Then sat back down and continued eating.:) Anyways, I have more stories but I don’t want to bore you, but mane thing is I don’t panic in bad situations, I have these moments where time slows down an the voice you talk to yourself in your head gets more clear and louder, like if they were right next to you.And also i have a big imagination so hope that helps…And all my family and friends are at sf, and you need a car so that you can drive thru the freeway. And i can’t really read maps… sorry…What should I do if I do kill two zombies and make it to my neighbors house but to find them long gone. So i steal a pack back, pack food and water steal some knifes and a hand gun with a pack of bullets (that i heard they have)…Then what happens? Oh and p.s… for some reason, i know i will not hesitate to kill some zombies or kids zombies or my family/friends zombies or even if they are becoming a zombies..I would hesitate with people I love and care about But i would still do it… (shrug) I don’t know, I would…

  8. Medic says:

    Managed to lock myself in the medication room in the ER. I’m a tech here at MC, Outskirts of Gahanna, OH. The outbreak was brought here by the EMS, and is spreading fast. I have a 12ga shotgun and .44mag 20minutes drive to home with plenty of ammo, and my second shotgun, and 6 rifles are at the parents 5 minutes from there. All of these weapons are ex-military, not the hunting or commercial bull, I don’t mess around. I can make a break for the back doors and get a medic, they hold a lot of fuel, sustain power via generator, can transport several people, and has medical supplies. The only weapon I can find in here is the broken top off of an IV pole from a stretcher, it is about 4ft long, steel, with two hooks on one end.

  9. Eleazar says:

    I am 12 and I live in a trailer park with one right next to it. I haven’t heard of an out break but I can get a hatchet withing a minutes notice and I have a machete in our shed. We live in a standered sized park with one right next to it and houses on the next street. If it happened here would I live?

  10. Eleazar says:

    I also duel a lot(swords not guns(fake swords))so I can handle a melee weapon pretty well. I constantly practice. We have a warehouse-type main building too its a 5-8 min walk.

  11. zombie killa says:

    I’ve already said my plan but I can’t find it. What do I do? Sorry. Off-topic. Please tell me how I can get my reply up here.

  12. zombie killa says:

    Any ways. I have updaated my plan. After I get to the main building I will barricade it,destoy the original ways to get to the 2nd story and build a rope ladder to replace them,make a sleep/night watch plan,search the nearby corner store,get wood from my house,upgrade my barricade,kill zombies,eat,make weapons,fix old weapons,sleep,wake up on my turn,make a daily routine,follow routine,wait out the zombies.sorry wrong site. Nope nevermind. Well that’s my plan. Tell me if I would survive.

  13. zombie killa says:

    Are guys really in an oubreak? Oh well I say to make a break for it. ONLY if there are a few zombies! Even though that pole is made of Steel you don’t know how durable it is. Its better safe than sorry. Use the shotgun last. Only for emergancies. Find a better melee weapon when you get out. Try to find something along the lines of that steel pole you got. If they can’t reach you they cant hurt you. Find a better ranged weapon that has decent power and has common ammunition. Good luck.

  14. william says:

    im 12 years old and i live in a nice little neighborhood i live by red apple i have a mini crowbar and a bug out bag i can run about 3 minutes without getting tierd im skinny but spend most of my time with tv friends making bug out bags and hanging out with my aunt would i survive

  15. ZombieMall says:

    I think you stand a good chance. If you sit around with your friends making bug out bags, then chances are you guys have talked about what to do when the zombies arrive. Honestly.. that’s more preparedness than most people! The only thing I would change is perhaps the mini crowbar. Keep it, don’t toss it, it’s going to help you, just don’t use it as a weapon, instead use it as a tool.
    But yeah, i think you will be okay, especially if you follow the tips as listed above.

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