Body Betrayal in the Zombie Apocalypse

In a world overrun by zombies, how would you do?

Chances are, if you are reading this, you probably think your chances are pretty good.

Yep, you have taken the “Can you survive the Zombie Apocalypse?” test on Facebook – multiple times, until you have obtained the perfect score.

Yeah, you are ex-military and can kill a zombie with a mere twist of your little finger.

Yes, yes, you have a good stockpile of weapons, knives, guns, swords, etc, so you are good to go.

You have your zombie preparedness kit fully stocked, you have your MRE’s all packed, you even have your pellets to purify water stored in a water tight container.

Yep, you may think you are prepared.  But for 45% of us, we are not.

Wait what?  45%?  That’s almost half the population!

Yeah.  That’s actually a pretty drastic number.

What the hell are you talking about?

I’m talking about your body betraying you.

My body betray me?  How’s that?

Okay, let me be blunt.

Do you snore?

Yeah, that’s a tough one.  Not many survival experts have stopped to think about that one.

Imagine you have survived the initial onslaught, and go to sleep one night only to fill the surrounding area with deep, loud, saw-log-cutting snores.  When that throng of Walking Dead comes roaming by, guess what…  You are gonna wake up to being a snack.

This really open up a new world of dilemmas.  Of course your fortification is going to be the biggest preventative step here.  I mean, if you decide to go nomad, going from place to place, you may find yourself having to camp out one night.  Do you really want just a thin mesh of tent screen between you and the chomps of death when you start to snore?

On the other hand, if you are deep within a bunker with solid concrete walls, chances are you’ll be okay.  Maybe.

 

So what can you do?

Making your fortification soundproof seems to be a good idea.. at first.  However, by soundproofing your living area, not only are you preventing the noise you make from getting out, you are also preventing any noise from the outside from getting in, thus preventing you from getting any possible warning that the undead are close by.

Setting up a living and sleeping area up a ladder or in a secure location out of reach (as seen in the original Dawn of the Dead) also seems like a good idea, again.. at first.  Your snore will still attract them, but they won’t be able to get to you, but then you are trapped and eventually will run out of ammo, food, and supplies (again as seen in the original Dawn of the Dead).  And chances are, you won’t have access to a helicopter.

I DO snore and you are not giving me much hope, so what can I do?

Of the 45% of people who snore, 90% of them are overweight.  They have fat buildup around their necks that more or less collapses, causing the snore to happen.  There are many other reasons that can cause a person to snore, but look at yourself in the mirror.  Are you overweight?  Could you stand to lose a few pounds?  There is a good chance that by doing so will reduce your body’s tendency to saw those logs when you sleep (not to mention it’s just good common sense to get in shape before the zombie outbreak happens).  What’s the Number One rule of ZombieLand ?  Yep!  Cardio.  It’s the fatties that got eaten first.

So there are multiple reasons to shed some weight.  Get yourself fir now, lose that extra Big Mac or Whopper, shed a few pounds, and you may find that the deep rumbling snore has diminished.

Don’t let your body betray you.  Instead hone it like a sharp tool and let it help you survive.

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2 Responses to “Body Betrayal in the Zombie Apocalypse”

  1. Floyd Young says:

    There is a factual error in this article… http://zombiemall.com/?p=475
    The reason the survivors in the original Dawn Of The Dead lost their stronghold had nothing to do with supplies, they lost it due to other humans, the bikers ransacking the mall.

  2. ZombieMall says:

    Hey Floyd, that’s a great catch! You are 100% correct. They didn’t run low on supplies, nor did any of them snore. When I wrote this, I was looking mainly at the aspect of them fortifying themselves in a position that the zombies could not easily gain access to (false wall, ladder, barricaded stairs, etc).

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