Krampus – My Review & WTF!?!!

With a lackluster Halloween for new horror movies, I had heard about Krampus coming out for a Christmas time release.  I admit I was not expecting much from it, and initially I wasn’t going to even bother trying to see it, but there was a hunger in the back of my mind that was needing some movie horror.

A buddy of mine sent me a text asking if I wanted to see it, and my hunger grew a little.  Hey, it’s always a bit more fun to see a movie with someone, especially a horror.

1st, Krampus is a tale of an anti-Santa.  A dark spirit of what Santa is.  Krampus is a demon of sorts that is summoned when people stop believing in Santa.

2nd, it’s something I’ve heard in passing over the years, but never really took much notice, I figured it was just a goofy tale that some random person made up on the spot and it kindav took hold.  Krampus (the tale) is very real, at least as real as the tale of Santa.  It is unclear how far back the folklore on Krampus goes, but some suppose it goes as far back at the 17th century.

3rd, December 5th is celebrated in parts of Europe as Krampus Night, or Krampusnacht.  Look it up.  Strange stuff.

4th, something really messed up happened in the movie theater that I went to see Krampus in (I’ll get to that in a moment).

The Movie:

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As I mentioned, I was not expecting too much from Krampus.  It didn’t take itself too seriously, and a fair amount of ‘camp’ was to be expected.  For some reason I kept wanting to call it Krumpus or Kramps.  I’m not sure why, but I just could not make the name stick in my mind.

The opening, accompanied by Bing Crosby’s It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas, depicts the crazy holiday shoppers running each other over to get to all the holiday deals on Black Friday (the Friday following Thanksgiving), although in this movie it seems to take place around December 19th or 20th.

As detailed in the folklore, the movie follows Max, a young boy, who has lost his hope for Christmas and is starting to doubt the existence of Santa.  His extended family comes to visit (which is almost a direct display of National Lampoons Christmas Vacation, right down to the dinner) and he is teased about writing a letter to Santa.  Committing a “F.U.” to believing in Santa, Max rips up the letter and tosses it into the night air.  This seems to be what summons Krampus.

A Sidenote:

At this point we are about 20 minutes or so into the movie, and scary thoughts are starting to flood my mind, I am finding it a little difficult to concentrate on the movie because I’m actually starting to pay more attention to what is beside me…

The Movie (back on track):

Max wakes the next morning to see that a nasty blizzard has hit his town.  Things start to pick up from here.  His sister decides to run off into the blizzard to go to her boyfriend’s house because he is not answering skype (and plus she wants to get away from the nagging extended family).  Her parents let her because the boyfriend only lives 4 blocks away…  But there is a whiteout blizzard outside, so intense that they cannot even see across the street, but they let her go out anyways…

I don’t suppose it would be much of a movie if no one took a risk though..

From there it just goes from bad situation to worse for the dysfunctional family.

Another Sidenote:

What in the holy hell happened in here???

The Movie (yeah, let’s get back to the movie):

Krampus and his minions somehow take down the entire neighborhood, which we don’t really get to see, then they go after Max’s family.  The family tries to fight for their lives in a battle of hope vs despair.

In the end, I have to admit that Krampus was actually a fun ride for what it was.  It was not an out and out horror.  It was a comedic horror.  The script was not bad, the acting was entertaining, the music was REALLY good, and there were very few “super quiet then suddenly something jumps out of the darkness followed by intense loud sounds and/or music just to make the audience jump” moments, and I applaud them for that.

I realize I have aired some complaints about the film, and I admit that I do have a few, but that’s me.  I’m grumpy sometimes and sometimes I overreact.  I will say, that Krampus has made me reevaluate my holiday spirit, and I have to admit, that’s pretty damn impressive.  Based on that alone, I’d have to recommend seeing Krampus.

Forget the Sidenotes now:

What in the hell happened in this movie theater???

The moment I walked into the theater’s seating room, something was wrong.  There was caution tape wrapped around three rows of chairs, a total of 12 chairs were cautioned off.  One of the chairs had a large black garbage bag covering it.

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Did we just walk into a murder scene that the theater was too lazy to clean up?

Was this their attempt to get into the Halloween spirit to scare people? Can’t be that, Halloween was a month previous!

All during the movie, I found it very difficult to concentrate on what was going on on-screen because my thoughts kept turning to wondering how many people died next to where I was sitting… And yes, I HAD to sit right next to the cautioned seats…

After the movie was over, I looked up to the ceiling to see if there was any water damage, but I could see nothing up there.

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What about that trash bag on that one seat??  Did someone crap themselves?  Someone bleed all over it?  Was there mold all over it?

I mean.. in all fairness, I didn’t see any blood on the floor.. but still…

Surely if it was anything that my imagination conjured up then the theater would have simply closed off this entire room… wouldn’t they?

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Naturally I had to jump the caution tape and get a picture…

 

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