ZombieMall.com Blog

Part of my day to day job is to drive.  I’m a vendor to several different retail stores and I simply go from store to store, training them, helping them, and educating them on the new products that have come out.  Today my drive took e a short 100 miles North of the ZombieMall.  Close to my destination I passed an overturned gasoline truck in a ditch on the side of the road.  There were a few guys standing around it, looked like they were assessing the situation, each was wearing County Crew Neon Orange and Yellow vests.

I spent about 6 hours at my destination and hopped back in the car to come home.  I made it about 30 miles and found myself at a traffic standstill on a two lane backwoods Arkansas highway.  The same one that I took a mere 6 hours earlier.

I could see a Sheriff’s truck up ahead, blue lights flashing.  At first I assume it’s a sobriety checkpoint, but logic quickly sets in on that fleeting thought and I realize they would not set up such a checkpoint in the middle of a state highway.  No, it has to be that overturned gasoline truck from earlier.

Woods are on either side of me, a tiny church off to the left.  A few cars are turning around, but I need to go the way I was headed so I stay in line.  A little time passed and more cars have turned around.  I find myself 3rd in line and law enforcement approaches.  My engine has been off for a bit at this point, my window down slightly.

“Is it zombies?”  I ask.

He laughs.

It’s the overturned truck, just as I had thought.  They have another gasoline truck up there trying to pump all the gas out of the overturned one.  They have to do that first before they can turn it over and try to tow it off.  Approximate wait, 2 more hours.  No worries, I can wait.  Hell, if I did turn around it would take me 4 hours to drive to a point where I could meet up with another joining highway to take me home.

I begin to look around again and a thought occurs to me.

How many zombie movies have I seen in which the sole survivors are driving along and they reach an area full of standstill cars blocking the way?

Oh shit!  This is my situation!  I’m in that area full of standstill cars!  This is how it happens!

Then another thought:

What would I do if zombies started pouring out of these woods right now?  What survival tools do I have in the car within arm’s reach?

A quick look around…

3 empty plastic water bottles, some fast food napkins, my work lanyard and name badge (yay, they’ll know my name at least), a couple of CDs, a small pack of gum, a pen, my cell phone, some loose change, wires from my SiriusXM radio, and a towel.  In the backseat I find two toy cars, a baseball, a couple of sheets of paper (which is what I use to write this out on), and a box of plastic forks.

In other words.. I’m fucked.

Yeah, I’ve got a tire iron in the trunk, I might be able to get at it from the back seat (they let down from the inside), but as for what’s in immediate arms reach, I’ve got nothing.

I could use the CDs as a mirror signal, I could certainly make use of my cell phone, the baseball could be used as a makeshift weapon, the lanyard and wires could certainly be useful.  There is a cigarette lighter hole, but I use it as a power source for the radio.  Who knows what happened to the actual lighter, it was misplaced years ago.

Next time you get into your ride, take a look around.  See what you have within arms reach should you find yourself stuck on the highway surrounded by zombies.

Yeah, if I get out of this, which I have since you are reading this on the website, I’ve got to remedy this situation.

What would you add to your ride?  Something that could be legal (if cops found it they would not take it or arrest you), and something you could leave in there at all times.

Give me your thoughts.

In a world overrun by zombies, how would you do?

Chances are, if you are reading this, you probably think your chances are pretty good.

Yep, you have taken the “Can you survive the Zombie Apocalypse?” test on Facebook – multiple times, until you have obtained the perfect score.

Yeah, you are ex-military and can kill a zombie with a mere twist of your little finger.

Yes, yes, you have a good stockpile of weapons, knives, guns, swords, etc, so you are good to go.

You have your zombie preparedness kit fully stocked, you have your MRE’s all packed, you even have your pellets to purify water stored in a water tight container.

Yep, you may think you are prepared.  But for 45% of us, we are not.

Wait what?  45%?  That’s almost half the population!

Yeah.  That’s actually a pretty drastic number.

What the hell are you talking about?

I’m talking about your body betraying you.

My body betray me?  How’s that?

Okay, let me be blunt.

Do you snore?

Yeah, that’s a tough one.  Not many survival experts have stopped to think about that one.

Imagine you have survived the initial onslaught, and go to sleep one night only to fill the surrounding area with deep, loud, saw-log-cutting snores.  When that throng of Walking Dead comes roaming by, guess what…  You are gonna wake up to being a snack.

This really open up a new world of dilemmas.  Of course your fortification is going to be the biggest preventative step here.  I mean, if you decide to go nomad, going from place to place, you may find yourself having to camp out one night.  Do you really want just a thin mesh of tent screen between you and the chomps of death when you start to snore?

On the other hand, if you are deep within a bunker with solid concrete walls, chances are you’ll be okay.  Maybe.

So what can you do?

Making your fortification soundproof seems to be a good idea.. at first.  However, by soundproofing your living area, not only are you preventing the noise you make from getting out, you are also preventing any noise from the outside from getting in, thus preventing you from getting any possible warning that the undead are close by.

Setting up a living and sleeping area up a ladder or in a secure location out of reach (as seen in the original Dawn of the Dead) also seems like a good idea, again.. at first.  Your snore will still attract them, but they won’t be able to get to you, but then you are trapped and eventually will run out of ammo, food, and supplies (again as seen in the original Dawn of the Dead).  And chances are, you won’t have access to a helicopter.

I DO snore and you are not giving me much hope, so what can I do?

Of the 45% of people who snore, 90% of them are overweight.  They have fat buildup around their necks that more or less collapses, causing the snore to happen.  There are many other reasons that can cause a person to snore, but look at yourself in the mirror.  Are you overweight?  Could you stand to lose a few pounds?  There is a good chance that by doing so will reduce your body’s tendency to saw those logs when you sleep (not to mention it’s just good common sense to get in shape before the zombie outbreak happens).  What’s the Number One rule of ZombieLand ?  Yep!  Cardio.  It’s the fatties that got eaten first.

So there are multiple reasons to shed some weight.  Get yourself fir now, lose that extra Big Mac or Whopper, shed a few pounds, and you may find that the deep rumbling snore has diminished.

Don’t let your body betray you.  Instead hone it like a sharp tool and let it help you survive.

Playing in the leaves is something all children do; twins Steven and K.C are no different. One autumn evening the five year olds ask to go out and play until dinner is ready. What happens that night will haunt Steven for the next twenty years. Now with a daughter of his own, Steven is left to struggle with the painful, guilt ridden choice of keeping his daughter safe or help the brother he lost, long ago, the one person Steven always thought he would do anything to have back.

Excerpt from the book:

“K.C., I wanna go,” Steven turned towards K.C. to try to convince his brother to stop with the idea of being buried, when he saw something that made him stop talking mid-sentence and halt his footsteps. Where K.C. was lying on the ground, the leaves began to swirl in a large spiral. They lifted into the air, picking up in speed and quantity. The buzzing noise became louder, the high pitch was starting to hurt Steven’s ears. He watched spell bound as the vegetation lifted higher and higher, forming what looked like a tornado made of leaves to the five year old. The dead, autumn foliage that was covering K.C. seemed to come to life at the base of the leafy twister. The swirling mass was spinning so fast, just watching it was making him dizzy. Steven wanted to run but was frozen with fear, unable to move or scream for help.

Then he saw something that would give him nightmares for years to come. The leaves that had been covering K.C. were sucked up into the rapidly spinning leafy tornado, until the ground below was bare. Steven’s eyes were wide with terror. He opened his mouth and screamed but the buzzing was so loud, his voice seemed silent in the night. He stood there releasing scream after scream, watching the tornadic leaves spin faster and faster. His heart was racing, his head was spinning and he was starting to feel sick to his stomach. Yet Steven was oblivious to what his body was trying to tell him—to warn him. His focus was on one thing and one thing only, the ground below the twister was empty. K.C. was gone…vanished…disappeared.

Available now
Hellfire Publishing http://www.hellfirepublishing.com/
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You can find Savannah Rayne at
http://savannahrayne.blogspot.com/

https://www.facebook.com/home.php#!/pages/Savannah-Rayne-Author/284932264865341

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 I have LOTS of goodies from my friends over at Hellfire Publishing to share with you today.  Just take a look at all of this:

Hellfire Publishing will be featuring four holiday stories for you to enjoy for free this holiday season. Over the next four weeks, a different story will be featured by some very talented writers on the Hellfire Herald.

http://hellfireherald.blogspot.com/ 
Here’s what’s in store for your reading pleasure 

November 28^th thru December 3^rd … Zombies for Christmas, the prequel to Summit the Zombie Hunter series, by Keira Kroft 

December 5^th thru 10^th …Silver Bells and Zombie Tales, by Robin Renee Ray 

December 12^th thru 17^th … Bloody Christmas, the prequel to Superstition Mountain, By Stacy Thompson- Geer 

December 19^th thru 24^th … Santa’s Claws, by Tim Heffernan

I’ve been a huge fan of the Howard Stern show for quite some time.  Albeit not as long as he has been on air, but at least as far back as 1989.  When satellite radio was coming on the market I had always wanted to go to that medium, but it always seemed to be a bit out of my reach in terms of $$.

When I heard that Howard Stern was moving to satellite radio I decided it was time for me to make my move.  By this time Jackie Martling was no longer on the show and Artie Lange was the new in house comedian.
By now I’m sure you are asking what the hell this post has to do with zombies.  Well, it doesn’t have a damn thing to do with zombies.  It is, however, a topic that I have to get off my chest.

Apparently this past weekend Artie Lange attempted to commit suicide by stabbing himself.  6 “hesitation wounds” and 3 “deep plunges”.  His mother found him in his home and called 911.  He was saved at the hospital.

The thing that bothers me about this (aside from his apparent suicide attempt) is this:

Those that listen to the show know Artie has battled drug abuse over the years.  Some times he would fall asleep while doing the show (which they always did things to him, made the show funny), or he would call in sick (hungover) to work.  Okay, I get that.  The man had drug problems.  In the past year he really has gotten it together and has found help.  But with this apparent suicide something about it does not make sense.

Perhaps it’s denial on my part.  I don’t know Artie aside from what I hear on the Howard Stern Show, and I’m certainly not a psychologist, but…  With someone of Arties background with drugs, it does not seem to make sense that he would stab himself to kill himself.  Would it not make more sense to overdose on booze and drugs?

Maybe I’m wanting it to be more of a murder attempt instead of a suicide attempt.

Why?

A murder attempt means that someone else was doing the action and that Artie did not go to that dark place of contemplating suicide.

Both scenarios are frighting and depressing for me to consider, but damnit.  For just over 9 years I’ve listened to the Howard Stern show with Artie Lange there and it’s given me hours of entertainment.

My heart goes out to you Artie, I hope you are able to get through this.

I miss you man.

Stayin Scary

-Brian Hardin II

In short we had a disaster happen. No, zombies did not get us, but the week of Halloween several things happened all at once..
The first thing; we had a major storm move through the area, massive flooding swept through the shop area. Good news, none of the product was damaged, the bad news, our computer servers were wiped out. The good news on that is; we had all of our data backed up in a remote location.
The next thing, we moved to a new facility, with that we have had to wait for someone to show up to hook up phones. We are still waiting for internet connection. I’m actually at a bookstore on my mini-lap-top typing up this update. The loss of internet access has been the biggest hurt for me.

But with that said, we are slowly crawling up out of the mire and getting things back and running. Suffice it to say those that had delayed orders, you will be getting something special from ZombieMall as a thank you for your understanding.

Stay Scary!

-Brian Hardin II

My friends over at the Geek Girls Network are throwing a zombie bash and I wanted to help spread the viru.. er word!

Here is what we dug up fresh from their site:

“GGN ZOMIE WEEK(s) kicks off on October 19th 2009!

Zombies are a big part of the geek pop culture. Practically every geek I have ever met has at least a minute affection for the fictional brain-eating anomalies. Maybe we love them because zombies are the most probably horror scenario. Maybe we love them because of the gore, violence, and sheer chaos they cause. Or maybe we love them, because we secretly wish for a zombie apocalypse just so we have a reason not to show up for work on Monday.

In honor of zombie fandom, GGN will be providing blog posts, links, news, events, videos and prizes! Here’s an overview of awesomeness to expect:”

Wanna know what the prizes are?  Hit the button below to check out their site for more details!

Want to win a FREE Mannheim Steamroller Halloween CD from ZombieMall.com?

Sure ya do!  Here’s how:

Head over to www.ZombieMall.com (our main page) and Register with an account.  It’s that simple! Be sure to use your real information otherwise when it comes time to ship, we won’t know where to send it.

You don’t have to purchase anything, but if you see something you just gotta have, buy it!

The CD will be shipped out to the winner on October 19th to ensure it arrives before Halloween!

Stay Scary!s

I had one HELL of a good time at my local Barnes and Noble tonight. Got some writing done, drank some fine iced coffee from the Starbucks and had a super conversation with a couple of different people. Picked up a book too.

Tonight I came to a conclusion. I may not like the direction that Stephenie Meyer took Vampires in her Twilight books (I still maintain that vampires do not sparkle), but she did do one thing that I really have to admire. She has gotten (yeah that’s a Southern word) many a teen to pick up a book and read. J.K Rowling did that with Harry Potter. But tonight when I walked into Barnes and Noble I noticed that most of the front tables at the entrance had books on them devoted to teen reading (well and a couple of the tables had books about Michael Jackson on them – I still find it sad that he is gone, but maybe he’ll be back in a remake of the Thriller video).

That really got me to thinking.. Any author that can draw people in, regardless of content, regardless of age, has to be respected. I know Stephen King has gone on the record to say he does not care for her writing, but I cannot condem her for that (Sorry Steven, I love ya man, but she is getting kids in to read books).

Anyways, that was my revelation.  I’ve come to the conclusion that she is helping the industry by helping to drive young readers into the world of books.

On a side note, I had a terrific conversation with the Assistant Manager there, Leo.  Let me tell ya, he has some fun stuff in the works for his location.  I don’t want to go into too much detail, don’t wanna (yeah another Southern word) jinx it, but I will say this…   How cool would it be to meet several authors at once, and have a work-shop of sorts?  Cool Indeed!

If you ever happen to be in the North Little Rock area, in The Other Center, stop in at Barnes and Noble and tell him ”Hi!”, that Brian, the guy from ZombieMall.com sent ya.

As we grow closer to Easter Sunday, I figured I’d explore the various passages found within the Bible as they pertain to Zombies.

There has been a long standing argument that Jesus could have been a zombie.  He died on the cross, was placed into a cave, came back to life.  Yeah, that could be a very basic interpretation of what a zombie is, but..

That is not what we are going to discuss today..

Instead, I want to explore some of the other texts within the Bible itself.

Let’s start off with:

Zechariah 14:12

12 This is the plague with which the LORD will strike all the nations that fought against Jerusalem: Their flesh will rot while they are still standing on their feet, their eyes will rot in their sockets, and their tongues will rot in their mouths. 13 On that day men will be stricken by the LORD with great panic. Each man will seize the hand of another, and they will attack each other.

That sounds like a zombie plague to me!

This next chapter I find especially interesting as it not only warns of what will happen, but it also tells how to survive the zombie outbreak:

Isaiah 26:19

20 Go, my people, enter your rooms
and shut the doors behind you;
hide yourselves for a little while
until his wrath has passed by.

Those two passages above are from the Old Testament, and I am of the opinion that they certainly had their share of zombie outbreaks!  But what about in the New Testament?

Let’s take a look…

Matthew 27:51

51 At that moment the curtain of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom. The earth shook and the rocks split.
52 The tombs broke open and the bodies of many holy people who had died were raised to life.

1 Corinthians 15:51

51 Listen, I tell you a mystery: We will not all sleep, but we will all be changed—
52 in a flash, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, the dead will be raised imperishable, and we will be changed.

There are many more passages within these texts that go on to desribe more events and situation in which zombies partake.  True enough the term ‘zombie’ is not in the Bible but in looking over what was written down all those years ago, I’d say we have a pretty clear picture that zombies DID exist back then and that they were a threat.

I just wonder what they did the eliminate that threat…